Excerpt from Sexual Secrets for Men: What every woman will want her man to know

One of the common problems in marriage is that often each of us feels we are not being appreciated enough for what we do, yet this is often because we forget to voice our appreciation of our partner. Commonly, we do not realise that we get into the habit of finding what our partner does wrong. We need to make it a daily practice to scan all the things she does to find something she is doing right, and tell her how much we enjoy it. When was the last time you told your beloved that you really appreciate the meals she cooks? That you think she is doing a great job with the kids? That you really appreciate her organising your social calendar? During the next couple of days, whenever she gives you a suggestion about something, say ‘That’s a great idea!’ Even though you may not intend to take action on it, at least give her some acknowledgement for contributing the idea. Say ‘That’s a great idea, thanks for that, I’ll consider it!’ Or next time she does something that she perhaps does every day such as preparing a meal, say to her ‘I really appreciate your cooking dinner for the family.’


How Easy Is Positive Communication?

So often a man takes it for granted that his partner knows he appreciates what she does. Women also often take it for granted that their men know that they (the men) are appreciated. Sometimes a woman won’t say so because she’s still angry about all the things he does that she doesn’t like. Because she never acknowledges him, why should he acknowledge her? It grows into a competition for power, a battle. As team-mates in love, men and women should be empowering each other to feel good, but instead they often get into the habit of fault finding and then they only empower each other to feel bad.

Diane and I enjoy watching couples at dinner. Often the husband will share something and immediately the wife will make a comment that negates what he said. For example, at a social gathering recently Michael, a friend, was telling us how great he felt because he had just completed staining the outdoor furniture. His wife immediately commented: ‘Not bad after six months of saying you were going to do it!’ She could easily have said: ‘I’m really pleased with how it looks. Michael did a great job.’ But instead she took the opportunity to criticise him. It might have been designed to get back at him for playing golf on Saturdays instead of sending more time with her.

At other times we hear a man talk about himself and his business successes and his wife feels she is not being acknowledged for her part in the success. From the way he speaks it is as though he is responsible for it all and that her support of him in his day-to-day life has nothing to do with his success. She feels she is not being acknowledged. Try to acknowledge your partner for something every day, even if only to say ‘thank you’ for the evening meal.

By Kerry Riley, Tantra Master www.tantragoddessdirectory.com.au