Sex Tip: Turn Sex into Making Love
One of the greatest sex tip secrets I can share with you is to the technique of ‘taking it to the heart’ because this opens you more to love. Like most men, I have no trouble feeling sexually excited while lovemaking.
The challenge for men is how much deep intimacy and love they can feel during intercourse.
Sex Tip: Connect the genitals to the heart
The best sex tip in true tantra invloves connecting the heart of the genitals with the warmth of the heart. To achieve this you need to take the focus off the genitals by first stopping all movement. You connect with your partner with your heart and your eyes. Keeping eye contact, look deep into her eyes while you breathe in to your chest, the heart region, and try to feel a deep appreciation of your partner. If it is a person you deeply love try to bring up as much of that feeling as you can.
Reach out and touch her face or her arm with a sense that every touch is precious. As you are touching, feel the compassion, feel the love for this woman. Say to her: ‘I love you.’ Bring the energy from the genitals up into the heart area, where you experience compassion, caring and nurturing.
You may experience a profound feeling of intimacy because the energy that has been centred around your genitals may move up into the heart area and that feeling can be quite intense. It’s like your heart is throbbing with the same sensation that your lingam was. The feeling in your heart can be that of literally burning for your beloved.
You may remember feeling this intense burning sensation after a deep relationship broke up and you really wanted that person back. This is the type of sensation you are trying to achieve to get a sense of deep heart connection and love for the woman you are with. Eye contact helps this because when your eyes are connected you are totally present in your intimacy, you are not off in some other space with your eyes closed.
When your eyes are closed it’s delightful to lose yourself in the sensations. However when your eyes are open, this creates intimacy and that’s what you are allowing to happen. It might feel uneasy at first, but this is the skill, this is the technique that turns sexing into lovemaking and your beloved will respond superbly to feeling so deeply loved.
Sex Tip: move energy to your heart
To assist you to move the energy to the heart, place your palm at the level of your heart in the centre of your chest, the heart chakra. This is traditionally the energy centre of the body where you feel love. With your hand on the heart centre, breathe into this area while focusing your thoughts on your feelings for the woman you are with. This is usually enough to get the energy up into the heart and out of the genitals for this moment.
Or you may place your hands on each other’s heart area. You take your beloved’s hand and place it on your chest area to feel your own heart. Then take your own hand and place it on her heart areas in the centre of her chest and at that moment connect eyes again and breathe to the heart region, feeling your compassion, sending your love and receiving her love.
Tell her you love her while receiving and sending your love gently through the eyes, through the heart. Let your hand be an extension of your heart and transmit your love through it.
This process helps to move the energy that was accumulating in your lingam, and that may have led to ejaculation, to a climax in the heart. The energy isn’t as strong in the genitals any more and so you can continue to make love longer. The opposite is happening for the woman. Because her heart has been touched, the energy in her sexual centre becomes more open, balancing the energies for the meeting of the fire and the water.
I introduced this particular method to a student, Colin and his wife Helen, in a workshop. After a month he told me that it had been working successfully for him and that Helen really loved it. He hadn’t realised that he and Helen had always made love with their eyes shut. They had been very much into their sexual excitement but had not been emotionally connected to each other.